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The Evils of Classroom Eating

The Evils of Classroom Eating by Travis Smothermon

Chomp. Chomp. Chomp. Food in the classroom has single handedly ruined education.

There are two types of students: the ones who chow down on snacks in the middle of class and then, of course, the poor students who have to listen to this obnoxious criminal act.  

The horrendous crunching and munching send destructive decibels into the classroom and into the ears of students, destroying any chance of them hearing a much needed lesson on the Pythagorean theorem or the importance of conceptual art. 

The only thing these poor victims can do is hope the teacher implements a no food policy and, even then, that they enforce it. Unfortunately, teachers tend to forget to enforce no eating policies and therefore this disgusting and vile offense continues. 

Not only is eating in the classroom loud, it also tends to emit an atrocious smell. Ominous odors flood the nasal cavities and inhibit students’ intellectual ability to focus on anything not pertaining to the unbearable stench of a three-day-old bean burrito covered in grease. Too many times students have had to endure the putrid smell of fast food and the remnants of the odors permeating students’ clothing and making them horribly self-conscious of their smell for the rest of the day. How do we expect students to maintain adequate grades and expand their knowledge while they are constantly smelling their clothes to make sure the rank and musty odors of greasy chopped onions have not infiltrated their apparel?

With all the negative effects of classroom eating taken into consideration, I believe the solution to this problem is to expel any student who dares to partake in this most indecent activity. Many of those who are not aware of just how destructive eating is to the classroom dynamic may view my proposal as extreme or absurd. Regardless of the opinions of the less educated on the matter, the problem remains. 

 No longer are classroom policies enough to stop the onslaught of the dreadful crunch of a chip or that ear-splitting crinkle of a fast food bag. It is time for public schools to take a stand. A stand against tyranny and a stand for education.  

We must act fast to ensure that future generations can go to school and focus on the problems of the world and how to fix them instead of constantly being irritated by the noises and smells of food. It is time to begin the full implementation of this new policy to get rid of these offenders.  

Time is running out and public schools are in quite a crunch to end this problem.   

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