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Will and Harry Interview a Ferret Representative

Will and Harry Interview a Ferret Representative by Will O’Brien and Harrison Snyder

The government is shut down. A little-known fact about Donald Trump is he was once an Apple technician and firmly believes in the “Well have you tried turning it off and on again?” method of problem solving. He soared through training, but got confused by the “turning it on again” bit. Unlike a Mac, leaving the government turned off doesn’t just make people miss the latest Kardashian posts. It puts more than 800,000 people out of work.

All of this leads to one question: How is this affecting the nation’s ferrets? To find out, Will and Harry went straight to the source: Ferrets.

H&W: “Hello, what’s your name?”

K: Ferret noises.

H&W: “Interesting, do you lean left or right?”

K: Ferret noises. [CENSORED] Ferret noises.

H&W: “I’m sorry sir, but this is a school paper and we will have to redact that comment. Do you generally support the current president of the United States?”

K: Ferret noises.

H&W: “Wow, what an interesting opinion. How do you feel about the government shut down?”

K: Ferret noises.

H&W: “I never knew illegal immigration had such a profound effect on the ferret community. So, I am aware that your brother is a member of the Coast Guard. How has the lack of pay affected his family?”

K: Ferret noises.

H&W: “What hardships. I hope this debate can come to an end and your brother, Admiral Farragut, may return to his post soon. Did you see the president’s address?”

K: Ferret noises.

H&W: “And the rebuttal?”

K: Ferret noises.

H&W: “How do you feel about it?”

K: Ferret noises.

H&W: “Oh, so you believe that although border security is a necessary task of the government, it should not inhibit the government from doing its job?”

K: Ferret noises.

H&W: “And that bipartisanship is the only answer to the problems facing America today?”

K: Ferret noises*

H&W: “You believe that the modern two-party system has corrupted the original intentions of our founding fathers and that America will only progress once it abolishes the archaic political parties?”

K: Ferret noises.

H&W: “Well there you have it. Thank you, Kyle Farragut. We hope your brother will be back at work soon.”

K: “Thank you.”

After conducting this interview, Will and Harry realized the importance of what Kyle Farragut said. These animals, or little people as I’ve come to think of them, truly have a lot to teach the world. I hope our collective ears will open to their teachings.

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