Whether they are the dinner lady, lunch lady or matron of the chow hall to you, lunch ladies keep the universe sound
Satire
Column: festivals, rage rooms and tributaries attract tourists and secure capital status
Welcome to Fort Wayne, the second largest city in Indiana, bested only by the four-times-larger Indianapolis. Our biggest bragging right is that we often like to intimidate Indy with threats of state domination. Alas, we never truly commit. Fort Wayne is the only town worth mentioning for miles around. Can you name a town that you can drive to in under two
The Evils of Classroom Eating
Food in the classroom has single handedly ruined education. Too many times students have had to endure the putrid smell of fast food and the remnants of the odors permeating students’ clothing and making them horribly self-conscious of their smell for the rest of the day.
No College For You!
Even if your only priorities are “gamedays” and “partying” like Lori Laughlin’s daughter Olivia Jade Giannulli, you can still get into prestigious institutions like the University of Southern California. It’s simple. You just need three things.
Will and Harry’s Guide to Indiana
Soy, corn and maybe if you’re lucky you’ll see a cow. But before you come rushing in, city slicker, there’s a few you need to know. This is the safe traveler’s guide to Indiana.
Will and Harry Describe McGovernment
Have you ever been at a McDonald’s and wanted ice cream? Have you ever been a government employee and wanted a paycheck? Well, both situations end in disappointment, frustration and lack of ice cream.
Will and Harry Interview a Ferret Representative
The government is shut down, and President Trump doesn’t seem to realize that by keeping the government shut down, he is putting more than 800,000 people out of work or without pay. All of this leads to one question: how is this affecting the nation’s ferrets? To find out, Will and Harry went straight to the source: Ferrets.
How Not to Make Friends
One simple and obvious way to avoid making a friend is to refrain from socializing with acquaintances. Keep interactions to a minimum and only speak with them when you absolutely must. Be mindful of how often you are smiling. This social cue is easy to play around with because not smiling at all is about as creepy and uncomfortable as having a giant fake grin plastered to your face for the entirety of the conversation. So be as dismal as Eeyore or channel your inner Pennywise. Either way, have fun with it!
Will and Harry go to the Huntington Pioneer Festival
Being reenactors ourselves, we see our fair share of the misinformed general public, but Huntington really knocked us out of the county park.
We’re Number One!
In a study done by the Auto Insurance center, out of every 100,000 fatal crashes in Indiana, 13 are caused just from road rage alone. That means if you get in a car crash in Indiana, you have a 0.013% chance of getting beat to death afterward.