By Josh Bryan
Congratulations to all the adults out there. You’ve survived high school and maybe even college, if you’re into all that.
Odds are, that if you went to a public high school, you probably witnessed some PDA. For those who don’t know what that means, get out from under your rock of solitude and go get some sun.
PDA stands for: Passionately Degenerate. Admirers.
The acronym is as easy to remember as not lip-locking in public.
PDA comes in many forms, which vary in how awkward bystanders feel.
On the gentler end of the spectrum, there are the handholding sweethearts who think they’re going to get married. News for them: the main reason for all divorces is marriage. Chances are they’ll end up living happily ever after, just alone.
Taking it up a notch we have the snogging sophomores. These were the lovers that you would see sneaking lip-on-lip contact in the halls. It may even be witnessed in the classroom if they’re feeling especially bold.
One more increase in passion intensity is the, how the French say, “hockey amygdales,” “tonsil hockey” for you monolinguists. It does raise the question though, who is the goalie? Hopefully neither of them has mono.
The next type of couple is found less frequently, but can be found in stairwell corners: the two are latched onto each other like they won’t ever see each other again, at least until next period.
You’d really think that people would learn some classiness by the time they’ve gotten to their 12th “soul mate.”
The final type of PDA couple that needs to be watched out for has only been seen once in the halls of my school.
To the distaste of me and those around me, we sadly witnessed a love bite being delivered onto a young woman’s neck.
I don’t understand the appeal of leaving your mark and looking like a Plecostomus (suckermouth catfish). Like, chill out bro, we already know she’s yours by the way you were holding her waist.
Of course, it’s not all lovey-dovey. If you’re going through a tough patch in your relationship, the whole world doesn’t need to know.
Too many times have I been trying to enjoy my chicken sandwich at lunch when Nichole starts fighting with vaporizing Vance. We know that the squabble is probably just from some nicotine withdrawal.
It just gets worse when all ends happily, which means they are back to sucking face where they think no one can see them. Newsflash: Just because you can’t see us, doesn’t mean we can’t see you.
Please, take the information I have provided you in my PDA PSA and try to stay safe out there. No one in the hallway wants to turn the corner and see more tongue than your dentist.